The Story
of Roxy
and
Burton

...but they're cute.

If anyone ever asks you, “Hey do you want a kitten? It’s Free!” they lied. I got schmoozed into taking in 2 adorable little kitten assholes a year and a half ago when my best friend’s sister found 2 stray kittens under her bed. Yes you heard right, under her bed. See, she left her sliding doors open for her cat Floyd to go in and out. The friendly neighborhood stray that she occasionally feeds wandered in while she was in the shower and left two three-week old kitties under the bed. The rest is history. She asked if I wanted one, then said oh they come as a pair. They were too cute to say no to. After all the vet bills for shots and getting them fixed so my house didn’t become overrun with more kittens, my free kittens were not so free anymore.

Meet Roxy

Roxy is sweet most of the time. She's very curious but not as adventurous as Burton is.

She was barely a few months old when she ventured into the kitchen and decided to explore the depths of the refrigerator. I was sitting on the couch watching tv when all of a sudden I heard this loud screeching and banging noise as if my entire kitchen were being attacked by wolves. I ran in as fast as I could to find that she had managed to climb between the refrigerator and the wall... and got stuck. She was flailing around panicking and in the process pushing her self further back. I was able to grab her by the tail and pull her out. I then stuffed the edges of the fridge with towels so that she couldn't try that again.

She LOVES bags. If there is a bag she's in it (See photos right and below). She also enjoys being underneath things. I most often find her under the coffee table, bed or dining room table.

I think she's the picky one though. She gets mad at the litter box and likes to relieve herself on the carpet sometimes if it's not to her liking. My mom tries to feed them table food (which I won't even get into how much that screws with my training them to behave) and Roxy just sniffs the food and walks away. Burton's a pig and eats almost anything. She does love beer though. Or I think it's bottles that she loves but most of the time it's a bottle of beer that is in someone's hand.

She's scared of the sliding glass doors and the vacuum. She absolutely hates being groomed too and she is the fuzziest and sheds the most. I could probably assemble a whole new kitty out of all the fur she sheds.

Meet Burton

Burton is the big troublemaker. He likes beer. He's nosey. He gets into everything. He's even pushed Roxy off the climber thingy.

His hobby is walking up to my 48 inch LED tv and scratching his paws down it. Luckily he never uses his claws so the tv is still intact. He apparently has a thing for electronics. He sleeps/sits/lays on the tv remote, my computer, my iPod, anything that I might be using at the current moment.

He likes to make a beeline for the front door and has gotten out on a few occasions causing me to chase him down the back yard into the mud. He's impossible to catch. He darts away, stops, looks at you, and when you go towards him he sticks his tongue out at you and runs farther.

He almost gave my dad a heart attack the week they watched them while I was on vacation. My parents couldn't figure out how to put the leashes on them (yes they have leashes) so while waiting for my aunt and uncle to arrive, they stood outside holding the cats. Burton freaked out and bolted. My dad said he was running straight for the back yard fence then scaled the chimney and flew through the air and took a flying leap over the fence into the back yard. My dad chased him around for a while then couldn't find him. Finally my dad found him under one of the shrubs just chillin'.

 

Stuff They Destroyed

Let me preface this by saying that I had just purchased my condo a few months prior and furnished it with all brand new furniture and the carpet was in great condition when I moved in.

So I was napping on the couch one evening and I woke up to a loud crashing noise and just as I looked up I saw this lamp come crashing to the ground. It's made of paper so I just shrugged it off and rolled over. A bit later I awoke to find that they had shredded the lamp and ate holes in it. Good thing that came from IKEA in a set of 3 (which the other 2 since have been shredded) for about $30. (Pic to the right)

I've also come home from work to find that Burton had forgotten how to groom himself and there was a rather large turd stuck in his butt fur. After discovering that and walking into the kitchen, I found that he had tried to remove it by dragging his butt on the white carpet in a sort of manner that resembled a smiley face. Kind of reminded me of that episode of Bob's Burgers where the cow left emoticon poops. (Pic above left)

On another occasion, I came home from work to find rocks scattered all over the floor. I looked at it puzzled then took a few minutes to realize that they had smashed my giant martini glass candle and there were rocks/shattered glass all over the carpet and dining room table. This was just a few minutes before my parents were supposed to come over for dinner so fortunately for me they walked into the mess and helped me clean it up. (Pic left)

After an extremely long day at work, having gone straight to work from a friend's house that morning I came home to find the worst disaster of them all. I walked in the house all pumped to go to the gym because I had found some random motivation that day. Got myself all ready then wandered into the kitchen to feed the cats and found this epically horrible mess. I had just filled their litter box with nice new shiny clean litter the day before. They decided to kick it out of the box all over the carpet then try to kick box their water jug spilling water into a muddy soupy litter mess into the carpet. At the sight, I shook my head and immediately gathered my things and headed to the gym hoping it would disappear by the time I got home. It hadn't. My first solution was to try and vacuum the mess. That was probably the last thing on earth I should have done because that smeared the litter mud all over the carpet in the entire area in front of the kitchen. Did I mention my carpet is practically white? I put an old towel over it to avoid any further damage and called the one person in the world who could get any stain out of anything, my mom. My parents came over the next night along with my Aunt's carpet shampooer. We had the shampooer, my little Bissel spot pot shampooer, a vacuum, and a hand held vacuum and battled this mess for about 2 and a half hours. It took 3 people, but we got it almost as good as new. Lesson learned: don't keep the litter box on the carpet or the water near the litter box.